How To Tell If You Love Twilight WAY Too Much
by I-Tried-To-Fix-You
Summary: For all the Twilight obsessors like me, this is how to tell if you need professional help because you are TOO obsessed with Twilight.
1. Crazy

**AN: I don't own twilight, new moon, the upcoming eclipse, or anything to do with the amazing Edward Cullen other than this list. Way to go people, make me say it and get all depressed!!!**

How to tell if you are obsessed with twilight and need professional help:

You spend more than 6 hours a day reading twilight fan fictions while waiting for the newest book instead of reading other books.

You have read Twilight and New Moon more than 5 times.

You have pages that you like in the books marked.

Because you like 99 of the pages, you have almost every one marked.

Your goal in your "Twilight Life" is to own at least 3 copies of each book. One to keep and not let anyone touch, one that is signed and even YOU don't touch it, and one to allow other people to be graced with its presence.

When you have attempted to draw pictures of what characters and settings in Twilight look like.

You have framed pictures of what other people think that Edward looks like.

You've had imaginary conversations with people from the book.

You pretend to be Bella.

You believe that real men sparkle.

You list the similarities between you and Bella to give you hope that you are the REAL Edward's Bella.

When people ask you what is so great about Twilight, you look at them like they are crazy, and start ranting about its awesomeness.

Then you tell them to go read the book.

You have recruited people to make a Twilight lover's gang.

When you grow up, you want to be a vampire.

It drives you insane that you don't know what "Bella's lullaby" sounds like.

Your password to computer related things have something to do with Twilight.

You say people that dislike Twilight are condemned to Hell.

You're parents would be frightened if they found out how obsessed you were with Twilight.

You're lifelong goal is to travel to Forks, Washington and the surrounding areas to see where Twilight took place.

You're very jealous that Stephanie Meyer was lucky enough to have Edward reside permanently in her mind.

When you see someone with bronze colored hair, you turn around and stare openly for 5 minutes.

You always monitor your thoughts in case Edward is listening.

You have nothing better to do than read this list.

You have been sitting at your computer and nodding to all of these.

If you have said yes to more than 15 of these, you might be like me and need counseling to get your mind off of Twilight. ;)

**AN: Thanks for reading my list! Please review if you liked it. It doesn't take much time and it makes me happy! **


	2. Deranged

**AN: here are some more symptoms of the disease I like to call…well im working on a name… I got a lot of good reviews last time SO tell me if this is up to speed.**

How To Tell If You Love Twilight Way Too Much:

You have found yourself quoting, "All the good guys are gay, taken, or fictional."

When seeing someone with any of the Twilight series, you get that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you do good for others.

Your personal mottos in life are: "Twilight makes the world go round." And "Spread the love, read Twilight."

When with certain friends, your conversations consist mainly of animatedly discussing Twilight.

You have ranted on about how a read man will NEVER measure up to the one and only Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

You have considered naming your future children: Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Bella, Edward, Masen, or Anthony.

You actually DO own two copies of each book. **(AN: im working on getting three…)**

It seriously pisses you off that they are making a Twilight movie because there are NO actors who would be perfect for the role of any of the citizens of Forks and La Push.

Yet, you REALLY want to see it…

So you will probably just buy the dvd and never watch it, just so that you can say that you OWN it.

Every song that you hear reminds you of Twilight in some way or another, even if you don't like said song.

You threw a party when Eclipse came out.

Then you played various Twilight games and of course, READ the book!

Your friend who doesn't know about the glory of Twilight found out about your obsession because of your other twilight-loving-but-not-as-crazy-as-you coughBITCHcough friends TATTLED and she laughed her ass off at you for loving a fictional character.

You still haven't let that go…**(AN: ha ha…ME!)**

When trying to bribe you, people say they will read twilight if you comply.

Of course, you do, because you ARE STILL recruiting members to that Twilight gang of yours.

You have tried to get topaz colored contacts.

Then you almost made a scene when they didn't have them.

When you found out that you have been riding in a silver Volvo for a year, you FLIPPED OUT! **(AN: yeah… I carpool with people who have one…lets say I don't know cars well. I was VERY sad about the fact that there was no hot guy in the driver's seat…)**

You got your mom to read the books and she LOVED them.

But never as obsessed as you… Of course!

When people hear you speak of Twilight, they think the book must be either possessed to make you WORSHIP IT, or really good.

You actually READ this type of stuff.

You are openly laughing because if some random stranger knows you so well, there MUST be something wrong…

**AN: well, there you go. Part 2 for this fic. PLEASE review. It makes me happy. XD**


	3. Psychotic

AN: Well it has officially been a week, but I am writing this. I know I know...I am evil. I feel bad, but my apologies arent going to keep everyone from being pissed at me. In conclusion..on with the story!

It has been admitted by at least 12 girls that they need psychological help. It may have to be written about our adventures through psychology...but that is a story for later. Today we have some more symptoms for how to tell if...you love twilight, and EDWARD, way to much. If your life is dependant on it, then you may want to just skip through these to therapy. Do not be ashamed of this obsession, we all have it partially. This disease can be categorized in 3 sections, but the overall sickness is Twilightofrenia. The 3 catergories are as follows: Cullenitis (the obsessions of all cullens...mostly male...), pack fever (obsession of jake and company), and of course vampeoporosis (the obsession of anything vampire).

You had to go out and buy the covenant to see what steven strait looked like.

You also bought undiscovered to hear him sing.

You are majorly pissed at Charlie Hunnam because he says he wont read a script with vampires in it. He would be the perfect carlisle, DAMN HIM!

After you got twilight, you didnt get off of the couch for a week sraight because you reread it around 2 times daily.

You have thought about getting plastic surgery to make yourself look exactly like bella.

When people say carlisle the wrong way, you immediately correct them. (car-lie-ull)

When you got a new pet, you jumped at the chance to name it after a Twilight character! (my puppys name is now charlie.)

Secretly, you wonder if Edward wears boxers or briefs...or boxer briefs!...or commando...hmmm? (not being a perv. lol)

You thought about being Bella for halloween.

When you say guess what I am doing, people groan and say, "reading twilight again!?"

You have written sex scenes between Twilight characters. (this isnt me. it just makes me laugh, no offense to people who do...we all cope with our edward urges in different ways...haha)

You now use the phrase "oh my carlisle!" quite often. (in my head...)

Your vocabulary has increasingly flourished from considering your OTHER motto: " What Would Edward Do?" (WWED)

You know twilight by heart and remember lines other than "stupid shiny volvo owner" (i hate hearing that all the time)

When you saw that your local bookstore had a new vampire section all by itself, you squealed quite girly-like.

Some people refuse to go to the bookstore with you now, because you frightened them too much the first time you went with them.

Getting New Moon Special Edition was a monumental event for you. (i remember the very day...sigh)

You havent used any of the tatoos because you want to have them forever.

When you found out that you couldnt go to the Eclipse prom, you cried.

Therefore, you were depressed even though that fateful day was on moms birthday...(yeah everyone was pissed at poor me)

Your little brother knows exactly who Edward Cullen is.

Twilight is a commonly discussed topic in your household.

THe thought process in your head has become very like the male mind. Except, instead of repeating sex over and over again, it goes: twilight, food, twilight, school, twilight, boys, twilight, sleep, twilight, read, twilight, computer, twilight, EDWARD CULLEN, twilight, mall, TWILIGHT, etc.


	4. Complete Insanity!

**AN: Some ideas were from edwardXD, IssytheWriter, Lost in Believing, EdwardsLove1901, OMGitsLucy, lauracullen, and demolitionLover, among others. This shall be the last of the list, seeing as A) I am terrible with keeping up with things sometimes, B) this could go on forever, and C) things really aren't going great for me right now. Please give a big round of applause to my beta…. drum roll Amber is a Jasper's Girl!! Also, I would like to have one or two more betas, just to keep me well rounded. So email me or whatever if you'd like the job. I don't own anything. ******

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Clearly, there must be some sort of addictive substance dusted onto the pages of Stephenie Meyer's books, because they have taken over the lives of many teenaged girls….and moms… all over planet Earth. The point to this whole list is that there is nothing that we can do about it. Twilight is a phenomenon that hit this world and spread faster than the plague. I predict that it will go on to be as famous as Romeo and Juliet, but that's just me. Here's the final installment of "How to Tell if You Love Twilight Way Too Much."

You are much too obsessed with the Twilight world when….

You dream about Edward or any of the Cullens frequently.

It has been considered in your head that you could kill Bella and take her place…(of course that is COMPLETELY immoral!! Hmmmm…?).

You are getting very suspicious of the kid named James who sits next to you in class.

Whenever you see a silver Volvo, you practically scream.

You used to think that the name Edward was ugly…but you have definitely changed your mind.

You plan on getting a silver Volvo or a red Chevy truck when you turn 16.

You have a stuffed lamb named Bella, and a stuffed lion named Edward.

Your cover of your book actually RIPPED OFF, because you read it too often! (that happened to me last weekend!!)

Then you started to cry while people around you laughed hysterically.

When you read it in public, your parents amaze their friends by telling them how many times you have read it.

You have read every word on Stephenie Meyer's website. Twice.

You also check said site at least twice a day.

You cried when they didn't have it in stock (this is for all of you non American kids! I am so sorry!).

Rainy days (Edward days) have become a favorite.

When you cry while reading New Moon, people just roll their eyes at you now.

You get really pissed and defensive when people spell E-M-M-E-T-T etc. wrong (yeah, my bad about StephEnie's name-I am a shame-filled idiot).

When you hear words used in the book, like ostentatious, you can only think of Twilight things (i.e. Rosalie's convertible).



You have solved the dilemma of not being able to use your Twilight tattoos by making bookmarks!

You have had a Twilight movie night, where you rented movies with an actual Twilight cast member in it, to see if they are good at acting.

You compare people in your daily life to vampires and werewolves.

You have decided what powers you and people that you know would have, if you were vampires.

You act like you are really fast at running.

You walk silently now…even if it takes some effort. (ME!!-I walk like an elephant…)

You pick out cars that look like Cullen cars when driving or in the car.

You read the book, or fanfictions, when you really SHOULD be doing homework, sleeping, or eating.

When people ask you who Edward Cullen is, your little brother hurriedly steps in and explains, so that you don't murder said questioner.

You have found yourself giggling with random girls in bookstores because you either saw them looking at the series, or saw them running around hurriedly and kindly pointed it out for them.

You may have BEEN the ones searching frantically for the series!

You use your "Twilight vocabulary," like epiphany and ostentatious, in everyday life.

You have to have the same number of copies of all of the books! (I'm going to be on 4 today….)

Your MySpace/Facebook/whatever page has Twilight themed backgrounds and icons on it.

Half of your favorite songs on your IPod are from the Twilight playlist…

Since after discovering it, you proceeded to buy all of the songs on the Twilight playlist…

And have discovered the glory of Muse and Linkin Park.

Sometimes you have to remind yourself that Twilight is in fact, not yours, and you do have to share it…even with people you hate…very much…

You bugged the hell out of your mother to take you to get Eclipse Special Edition on May 31, 2008.

Then when you actually got your book you started squealing. (JUST got mine!! SQEEEEEEEAL!!)

And think that the cover art for Breaking Dawn is AWESOME!

Once again…the t-shirt transfers…to use, or not to use, THAT is the question!

And for the final reason….dun dun dun……

You read a chapter daily, sort of like a prayer ritual (Edward's MY god….  and Twilight is my bible.)

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**AN: Here is the special surprise!! Please put your hands together for a sneak peak to my parody of My Chemical Romance's "Teenagers!" **



Twilighters scare

The living shit out of me

They can care less

As long as someone'll read

So put that book 'neath your nose

Beware the threats that they pose

Maybe they'll leave you alone

But not me!!

**My next story shall be rearrangements of songs that I think fit the obsession. That will be the first song in it. I hope you guys have enjoyed the list, and please review and check out my other stories!**


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